Don’t miss the premiere of this original theatrical production, only available this holiday season!

Business Pants Corporate Theater is proud to present Elf Control: Miracle on Mayo Street: A Corporate Christmas Carol: Featuring Multiple Colons

In the spirit of patriarchy-smashing Barbie dolls, Angela Merkel-sized prime ministers, and contractually obligated UPS truck air conditioners, we bring you the story behind the corporate takeover at Christmas, Inc.

Elf Control features an egotistical sleigh driver who has been CEO for a few too many centuries (despite working only one day a year), the long-forgotten COO who not-so-secretly manages the Naughty or Nice List (do we really believe a man has this level of emotional empathy?), the solidarity of pro-labor elves (because somebody has to do some actual work around here), and introducing history’s forgotten holiday love child: the teenaged Claus offspring and her woke ghosts of Christmas failure.